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So I will start off with my links today. First off we have Ess.tv, for an easy made and transferred $5 through paypal.com for a month you get access to 51 streaming channels. Each channel is one show. The next link is what is needed to view these streams. Good ol' winamp.com. I love it over Windows Media Player and then you can preview the channels without having to pay first. You just may be booted by a subscriber. Now on to other things. I am being dragged into WoW again but thoroughly enjoying it. I come today to post a question. Do any of you know any good comics/bands/albums/movies/things like that I should download. If so just leave it in a comment. :choke: :cough: :hack: The new white chocolate M&M's are awesome. Well short post want to go browse demonoid.com and watch ess.tv.
Once more without proper language/typing/speaking/thinking skillz. So I am on Lithium 300mg 3/day. This blows. I once said, "Never date anyone on psych meds." How this has kind of come back to bite me in the ass. I now feel like a giant pile of shit. Both physically and mentally. I constantly feel like there is a bullfrog in my stomach jumping from wall to wall full force trying to escape. Not really painful just stomach turning. I am constantly extremely cold or hot. I can't stand food anymore, nor do I even think about food. You would think I would lose weight right? Fuck no. I am also on Effexor XR 225mg 1/day. This is supposed to take away any sex drive I had left. I think the doc lied on that one. . . I have become angry/aggressive at times. Other times I zone out. . . FOR HOURS. This is not like me at all. On rare occasions I feel like I did back in high school. Filled with energy and happy. Kind of like a non-crack addicted Chris Farley I am also lonely, still. So amazingly lonely I thought about just posting a bulletin on myspace saying, "plz msg meh if joo wantz 2 go on teh date w/ meh," but not in those words exactly. Hell even with the above statement I am not even looking for someone to touch my cock. Just want a significant other. On a side note. If you have been hesitant to play any of the games of, or watch the movie of Silent Hill. Stop right now. Smack yourself and go play the games, watch the movie, read the comics, whatever you got to do. Release date for the DVD is 8/22.(All I have to say to those that have seen the movie is. . . Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriii iiiiiiiiipppp!) It appears gore filled and disgusting but I learned that it truly is just creepy and not really evil. "Saw" is evil. FUCK THAT MOVIE! I believe every copy of that movie should be burned. Not because it was a horrible movie, or had bad acting. It needs to be burnt for how sick it is. I mean shit, I have looked at ogrish.com and it barely bothered me. "Saw" makes me want to vomit and believe in God, Jesus, and a man in a sheet named the Holy Ghost. I wonder. . . Is the Holy Ghost's hood in the shape of a Klan hood? Speaking of pointy heads. Long live PYRAMID HEAD! He is my savior. And before you think OMFG you are sick and twisted, please go check it out. Learn about it and see what your own thoughts are on the whole Silent Hill matter. In coming days I may post my thoughts on what all of it is and means. I have decided to provide links whenever I update now. Why? Cause I have nothing better to do in life. Demonoid.com Open registration last time I checked. They are pretty cool. A bit torrent site for those that know what I am talking about. For those that don't. I am not explaining, forget it. Somethingawful.com Give $10 to get a life time worth of laughs. Also if you are really bored and in America call 1-800-225-0046. You will not be charged anything, I promise. Akira Yomaoka is my musical god.
Imagine Adam Sandler on stage going wacko while drunk. Now imagine a sniper taking out his jewish ass. Now imagine you wiring $10mil to that snipers bank account. No I don't hate the jews. This just popped into my head. Deal.
first off... i dont feel like typing properly anymore. Deal... (i run off to different stories all too often again... Deal... or dont read it?) Anyway this post really is about something i realized replying to a comment made by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) neosuboshi. this comment can be found in the previous journal post made by me. "maybe i am afraid to be in a serious relationship due to the ONE i had. . . it sometimes feels like it haunts me maybe that is my problem now that i think about it." - me this lead to a conversation with my mom i was dating kelli at the time. many of u dont know her. but we ended up getting pretty serious. i was 16 and stupid. a few things i should note to u all. i lost my virginity to kelli. she "claims" that i was her first as well. sadly i still cannot say this is true or not and have a hard time trusting anything she said. she got me in wicca (i now feel any religion is a waste of time for me). kelli's mom hated me, come to find out my mom hated kelli (but was a lot less obvious about this). kelli and i spent a TON of time together or talking to each other. i didnt even hang out with any friends for the year and 4 months we were together. we screwed like bunnies. i could probably count on my hands how many times we had sex using a condom. we also got engaged and i am not talking.. oh u wanna marry me some day??? no i paid 600 fucking dollars for a ring (got that money back and bought a ps2 and some other shit but whatever) i did love her, i do not anymore. now the main point of my damned post. i have no sex drive because of a fear of sex. i always thought that was only part of it. no. i was wrong. i enjoyed fucking kelli's brains out.. or at least trying to. i know i enjoy pleasing others first but my balls need some attention too. but now since her and i broke up i learned/realized a lot of things. she was trying to get pregnant and didnt tell me. she never did (pretty sure i am firing blanks). she also thought she was pregnant on several occasions and never told me. i truly believe she some how convinced me i wanted a child. my mom even believes this is what happened. she said that girl tried to control me and drive me literally insane to bring me to her level but it didnt happen. but back to my main point.. kelli fucked me up pretty badly as she did with 1 or 2 before me and a few after me as well (one of the guys she fucked up after me was a good friend of mine she claimed she hated and couldnt stand. she said this for the whole time we were together until 4 days after her and i broke up and they screwed. it only hurts because i was lied to). i have a fear that if i have sex with anyone a few things will happen. 1) pregnancy. For fuck sake i will kill myself if this happens. 2) a commitment will come about that i will feel trapped in. 3) someone will try to rule my life and every aspect of it. and well i also know that it isnt something else because i masterbate waaaaaaay too fucking much. i also now know that i do have fears. of cars/rollercoasters/sex/being trapped (physically or psychologically) and that is normal and human (i for some reason always feel like i am better than most ppl or that i should be. and again this is normal but even as i write this i think.. well now that i can admit whats going on i am a better person. fuck that. i am no better than the shit rags i hate. its just i know whats going on now. maybe it does make me a better person but it doesnt put me above anyone else.. yet i still feel that by writing this i am trying to tell myself that i am above everyone else.) the best thing to do though is get over the fears. also rollercoasters have never had any entertainment value in my eyes so they will remain on the dont fucking bother with list. as for cars i am working on that one (it isnt a fear of death i know that. i can accept death. its the possibility of so much pain, becoming helpless, or being a veggie. i want my freedom). i hope to get a car soon and actually be able to drive myself. this will also help with my being trapped thing. i had to tell my mom i dont like going to her house because i feel trapped there. that i cant do what i want or come and go as i wish. i have to get a ride to here and to there. also maybe this is y my relationships dont go anywhere. a fear that something will happen and i wont be happy and i will have to fight my way out. dont walk blindly but dont build a wall either. take risks but precautions as well. all the females i find r not crazy.. they r just different. they may be crazy... hell i wont know until i try to find out.
i think i have determined i am completely desperate now. i dont want to be alone anymore... nor do i want to be emo.. lol but i just dont know what to do anymore and almost jump at the thought of a possible relationship with just about girl i know/meet. i just feel like i am gonna screw somethin up... or maybe through this i could actually find someone.. i have no idea anymore... im very confused.... should i become more aggresive in my search... or no..
 | You scored as Discordian. You are a Discordian! That makes you a real oddball, and this is a fact in which you take great pride! Everything is funny, and really, who cares anyway? Synchronicity is the Great Cosmic Comedy, and meaning is where you find it! Have you hugged your paradigm today?
Discordian | | 70% | True Alternative | | 60% | Aimless Eclectic | | 55% | White Lighter | | 55% | Otherkin | | 50% | Mystic | | 50% | Spiritualist | | 45% | Magician | | 30% | </td>
What Subversive Alternative Paradigm Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com |
See previous post after you look at this pic. <td>
<table border="0" width="450" bgcolor="#000000">
| Phil is mostly likely to say the out-of-date phrase: | Get out of here you lousy lollygagger |
| To: | R. Kelly |
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| Why? | Because they went berserk when you broke their time machine |
| Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com |
</td>
</table>WOW! </td>
</table></td>
</table></td>
</table>
So a random bit of update concerning my mom for those who care. The doctors say that there is evidence of MS but they do not think it is MS. That is all.
Mon, Feb. 13th, 2006, 10:00 pm
That is funny
After you die...
Poltergeist
After death, you will become an enraged poltergeist. You will choose not to follow the light, but instead torment whoever happens to co-exist in the same space as you. Your anger will never diminish, but you will find solace in destroying expensive china.
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
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For those who don't know or haven't figured it out or don't even care. You can find me on myspace. I do not really update a blog there. But I post bulletins and annoy people, just like I do here. So find me if you want. Darthcamper is my name on myspace.
HOLY JESUS!!! Lance made this. . . You should do it too!!!!!
Pure Geek
47 % Nerd, 60% Geek, 39% Dork |
For The Record:
A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Geek, earning you the title of: Pure Geek.
It's not that you're a school junkie, like the nerd, and you don't really stand out in a crowd, like the dork, you just have some interests that aren't quite mainstream. Perhaps it's anime, perhaps it's computers, perhaps it's bottlecaps, perhaps it's all of those and more. Your interests take you to events and gatherings that are filled with people you find unusual and beyond-the-pale, but you don't quite consider yourself "of that crowd." Instead, you consider yourself to be fairly normal.
Which, you are.
Congratulations! You're the one on the RIGHT!
Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Professional Wrestling
Love & Sexuality
America/Politics
Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST |
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 50% on nerdiness |
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You scored higher than 89% on geekosity |
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You scored higher than 64% on dork points |
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The Star
You scored 65 change, 58 wellbeing, 58 wisdom, and 57 truth |
The woman in this card represents the subconscious mind gathering knowledge from the universal subconscious and pouring it over humanity. The right leg that supports her weight is bent in a 90degree angle suggesting that all will be learned if you search in the right places, with her foot resting in the pool of knowledge. The left hand pours the waters over the land and it disburses into 5 separate streams representing the 5 natural senses of man.
some extra words:
regaining hope
having faith in the future
thinking positively
believing
counting your blessings
seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
feeling great expectation
looking forward to success
being inspired
regaining motivation
realizing an inner strength
seeing the way clear
being stimulated to a higher level
creating
receiving the answer
being generous
wanting to give or share
spreading the wealth
opening your heart
giving back what you have received
letting love flow freely
offering with no reservations
holding nothing back
feeling serene
experiencing peace of mind
relaxing
finding your still center
remaining untroubled
savoring perfect calm
being tranquil amid trouble
enjoying harmony |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 66% on change |
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You scored higher than 33% on wellbeing |
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You scored higher than 33% on wisdom |
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You scored higher than 46% on truth |
| Ok too distracted you are getting only the ones I have done so far. Maybe more later.
Well an odd week it was been. I continue to learn more and more about old friends and it is all kind of depressing. It really isn't that big a deal I don't even talk to most of these people anymore but it is just odd to hear what has happened. I decided not to visit my highschool and almost don't want to think about a 10 year reunion. It has been two years since I have seen most of these people. I can not face most of them now. I just wouldn't know what to say, do, or even how to feel. Have I changed and disappointed people? Did I let someone down? Does anyone really care what happened to me after high school? I mean the random people I hung out with. Do they think about what become of me? Did they forget about me? I know my good friends care and kept up with what has been going on. But did I make a difference in any life? Was I any important piece of their life? Have I done good or bad in my life? Is it time for me to change more? Too lazy for random colors tonight.
Wed, Feb. 8th, 2006, 12:23 am
ranom update
well my monitor got really hot earlier... and started to smell bad thats not a good thing. i need a new one soon...
Well it is snoted time. I am out of my mind once again. I woke up sick at roughly 6:30am and was up for an hour trying to vomit/have my head explode. I sat in my shower most of the time. Woke up and could barely remain awake. Then did what I had to at work and headed home early. Almost immediately smoked after this. Snoted all day. My house smells funny. Burn something. Sticking fingers. Dry mouth. What should I do now? The internets suck. Smoking more soon. Waiting for time to pass by. WOOOOOOWHOOOOHOHOHOHO: rocking in mny chair. what a wonderfujlway to spend a night. falin asleep its weds right? OH GOD NO ITS MONDAY!!!
9 more days of training I have to buy drinks for there tomorrow I frogot.... well someone drop me a comment or soemthing to entertain me.... see ya
Yesterday was, well, entertaining. I woke up in one of the more difficult sleeping positions. On my side, one leg bent with knee in the air but foot on the bed, the other leg bent with foot on opposite knee and that leg's knee on the bed, and my right arm hold my head up. Then it started snowing. I personally love the snow it is just a beautiful sight. To quote a couple friends of mine, "The flakes were the size of dinner plates!" "These damn flakes are bigger than my head!" I had a long and educational conversation with a good friend of mine and learned something about him I didn't know before. Someone showed interest in me. I am still not sure what I should think about this. At about 8:30 I started drinking. Not to forget problems or anything. Just to drink. It was something to do. I started to have another conversation with a friend from Boone. I then learned a few things I do not know I wanted to learn. A good friend of mine not only got into Meth, but had a lab. . . He has always been a bit, I guess you could say, 'brave' when it came down to trying drugs. In German class he made a fine powder out of some X and rolled up a dollar bill. I decided I would help him out the best I could throughout the day. He got through just fine. I figured after that mess up he wouldn't do anything else but I was wrong. Another good friend of mine was helping him with his lab. This doesn't really surprise me much. Apparently everyone I knew has changed for both good and bad. And I learned that I changed. Maybe not as much as everyone else but I was told I have. I mellowed out. At Boone I use to bounce of walls and probably annoy the hell out of everyone. I was full of energy. Now I just sit on my ass all the time. I honestly believe this is because at Boone I was surround by people and just fed off the social energy there. Now I live in a dark apartment with two lazy and depressing roommates. I do not get out much but when I do I spark back to how I use to be. I need to get out and go to a concert or something. I am not as open as I use to be either. I do not just walk up to people and start talking to them. I tend to shy away from those I do not know.
I have been told I am already a grumpy bitter old man.
I think it was roughly 11pm and I was completely wasted at this point. I jump in the shower and head to Perkins. Steak and shrimp after Everclear and beer. I sobered up fairly fast and just felt great. I came home and crashed.
I just learned so much yesterday and it was such a wonderful day. I think it is just time for change to be accepted and expected.
I have one thing to say: Assholes are the truly happy people of the world, maybe it is time I become one.
Time
n.
A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.
An interval separating two points on this continuum; a duration: a long time
since the last war; passed the time reading.
A number, as of years, days, or minutes, representing such an interval: ran the course in a time
just under four minutes.
A similar number representing a specific point on this continuum, reckoned in hours and minutes: checked her watch and recorded the time
, 6:17 A.M.
A system by which such intervals are measured or such numbers are reckoned: solar time
.
An interval, especially a span of years, marked by similar events, conditions, or phenomena; an era. Often used in the plural: hard time
s; a time
of troubles.
times The present with respect to prevailing conditions and trends: You must change with the times.
A suitable or opportune moment or season: a time for taking stock of one's life.
Periods or a period designated for a given activity: harvest time; time for bed.
Periods or a period necessary or available for a given activity: I have no time for golf.
A period at one's disposal: Do you have time for a chat?
An appointed or fated moment, especially of death or giving birth: He died before his time. Her time is near.
One of several instances: knocked three times; addressed Congress for the last time before retirement.
times Used to indicate the number of instances by which something is multiplied or divided: This tree is three times taller than that one. My library is many times smaller than hers.
One's lifetime.
One's period of greatest activity or engagement.
A person's experience during a specific period or on a certain occasion: had a good time at the party.
A period of military service.
A period of apprenticeship.
Informal. A prison sentence.
The customary period of work: hired for full time.
The period spent working.
The hourly pay rate: earned double time on Sundays.
The period during which a radio or television program or commercial is broadcast: “There's television time to buy” (Brad Goldstein).
The rate of speed of a measured activity: marching in double time.
Music.
The meter of a musical pattern: three-quarter time.
The rate of speed at which a piece of music is played; the tempo.
Chiefly British. The hour at which a pub closes.
Sports. A time-out.
adj.
Of, relating to, or measuring time.
Constructed so as to operate at a particular moment: a time release.
Payable on a future date or dates.
Of or relating to installment buying: time payments.
n.
A duration or relation of events expressed in terms of past, present, and future, and measured in units such as minutes, hours, days, months, or years.
A certain period during which something is done.
Function: noun
1 a : the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues —see COAGULATION TIME, PROTHROMBIN TIME, REACTION TIME b : a continuum which lacks spatial dimensions and in which events succeed one another from past through present to future
2 : the point or period when something occurs
3 : a moment, hour, day, or year as indicated by a clock or calendar
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high
blah
annoyed
tired
bored
nauseated
weird
